All of my energy was put in jumping through the hoops of what was expected of me as a boyfriend. This wasn’t enough. I don’t put most of this down to my girlfriend. It was just confirmation to me that I’m not built for a relationship. This is one thing that was very apparent. I’m destined to do this life solo and that’s fine by me! I am too tied up in my own world to give this a chance or gamble to the ladies.
I moved in with her in here unit, we bought a puppy (who I still occasionally see and cherish), we would, and still do, go to concerts together and life was swell for the first couple of weeks. I was paying cheap rent, all of my utilities were taken care of and the little I had to do was make tea, as she worked all day throughout the week, and maybe do the vacuuming over the weekend. There wasn’t too much that was asked of me in terms of maintaining a clean house or doing the groceries.
I was left to my own devices during the day but as soon as the five o’clock mark striked I knew she would be home at any tick of the clock which gave me a mild case of anxiety. Most of this was disposing of the daily beer cans as there was zero tolerance for drinking booze of any quantity. This was a hard game to play for an alcoholic. She was oblivious ninety nine percent of the time but it was that one percent of the time I was sprung that caused the conflict. I hid my intoxication like a champ! This lady was straight edge… she’d didn’t drink, she didn’t take medication or smoke vapes or pot. She lived in total sobriety from everything. Good for her I guess, it’s just not the way I was wired and she didn’t understand this. One of our first blowups came when she discovered I had very poorly hid two beer cans behind some dirty cloths she was to wash. This didn’t go down well. Things only got worse from here. I would spend my nights in the spare bedroom and got the silent treatment for days. This did wonders for my mental health.
The breaking point was when I had been outside smoking my vape and tripped over when entering the house. I was far from intoxicated and this wasn’t the first time I had fallen. I still do this sober from time to time. After receiving notes she had left me on the kitchen bench every morning asking me to leave (even threatening to involved the cops) it was my time to leave. I slept in my car that night and ended up falling back on good old mum and dad, which wasn’t an issue (I’m still here today!)
For reasons I don’t know, I remained friends with her to this day. She does have some good qualities as a human being. After being treated like shit and the unjustified harassment and eviction I have tried my best to push these things aside and keep in contact. I feel like I’m doing wrong by myself for doing this. We go to concerts together - Nick Cave, Pearl Jam, Thome Yorke, Queens of the Stone Age, Grinspoon Henry Rollins, Pixies and an upcoming festival to see Tool perform in a month… it would all fall apart if I was to drink a single beer. I feel like a child. Not that this is an issue for me as my six month sobriety milestone has almost hit where I don’t have the slightest desire to drink again, the damage has been done. My fault or hers, I still have the bad memories, mostly unjustified! She would argue against this I’m sure.
We catch up for lunch at the bakery every second Sunday and take the dog for a wash and walk so she can’t hate me too bad!