Anxiety has ruined so much in my life. After leaving art school and gaining my diploma, I took a different route from the other students. While many of them hoped to find work with an employer or within the industry, I decided to do things differently and start my own graphic design business. My strategy was to seek out businesses listed on a site called CitySearch that offered website design—often done very poorly—and reach out to the thousands of users they had. I sent each business an email offering custom web design at a price lower than CitySearch. I caught a few fish, which felt like a real breakthrough. It was great news: I essentially landed half a dozen clients by undercutting CitySearch. They did send me an email threatening legal action, but by then the damage was already done.

I gained some good clients early on. My first job was with a Melbourne architecture firm — a large, well-established company — which gave me solid experience. I also picked up work from a wine company, a billiard business, a band, a swimwear label, a truck canopy manufacturer, and several smaller clients. I loved the design work behind the computer and created some attractive, effective sites. My clients were impressed, and more projects came my way through word of mouth.

This was all good news, but there was a hiccup. Enter anxiety! I could be confident and competent at home behind the computer monitor, yet when it came to meetings with business owners I became a complete mess. This was one of the earliest times I remember experiencing real bouts of anxiety. By the time I arrived I had the shakes, I was sweating, and it felt as though there were an elephant sitting on my chest. These were the days before I was prescribed benzodiazepines and before the hospital stays that followed. I’m not sure whether the client noticed, but I was definitely in a fragile, overwhelmed state.

It’s a shame I was going through these episodes, because I could have built a successful business instead. If I had played my cards right, who knows what I might have created for myself? Everyone has had wasted opportunities of one sort or another, I suppose. This was sadly mine.