I know I shouldn’t make comparisons when it comes to the alcoholic folk, but this must be noted. I entered rehab first in 2013 and then again in 2019. I went of my own volition; I wasn’t pushed into it. It was something I wanted to do for myself. My drinking had become a big issue. I didn’t see it until I stripped everything down and realised I needed to make a move. I believed this would cure me, thinking I would leave after the month‑long stay a new person. I imagined rehab as a kind of wonder drug that would fix everything. I didn’t realise I needed to put in the ongoing effort, that I had to do the real work to remain sober once back in the outside world. While in the clinic it felt as if I were inside a bubble — safe yet unfamiliar. I was in a group of maybe ten people; some were very unwell. Jaundice was widespread, a few were shaking, and others were battling through delirium tremens. What on earth am I doing here? How did things ever come to this point? Most of the other patients seemed far worse off than I was. A number of them were here for legal reasons, committed by court order, while others were struggling with problems that felt even more severe than my own.
Here was little old me, sinking into the habit with a beer in hand a little too often. I wasn’t doing the whole vodka thing, avoiding the harsher spirits that seemed to tear people apart; innocent beer, harmless at first. I shouldn’t play it down — it was slowly making my life unmanageable, and I could tick most of the boxes on that checklist of questions about alcoholism. I kept making those foolish comparisons to people who drank more than I did, convincing myself I was somehow different. That was a dangerous way of thinking, almost an excuse to carry on the same way. So I carried on — and only a few years later I began to notice the symptoms. It creeps up fast.
I’m a good boy these days. No beers for me anymore. Rehab was an eye-opener, but it hasn’t really helped — nothing more than I could have achieved on my own by watching YouTube blogs and putting in the work.