I really don’t have any triggers these days. I can’t think of a situation where I feel I need to drink. I’m really not a bitch to the beer. I have no temptations at all. I’m not kidding myself as I said and been through this plenty of times before so a relapse is always just around the corner but I’m determined to say sober for good. I have a hatred for booze. I have felt like this for many years but I always fall back on the bottle even after long stretches of time. I have fallen off the pink cloud too many times to care to remember. I think if I was to drink a beer or two now after being sober for over a month I would make me feel like rubbish. I’m in early days of sobriety but I have been through long periods of time when I haven’t drank, the last effort was 7 months without a drop. I relapsed and drank a heaps of beers and it made me so unwell. It was like my body telling me it didn’t want to swallow that poison. Remember guys, that’s exactly what it is. It got to the point where my family either stopped drinking or wouldn’t make it obvious that that they were. This has always bothered me. I don’t expect people to stop drinking based around my sobriety. I can honestly say that there is no urge tto drink simply because they are enjoying a beverage. One drink wouldn’t cut it. If I was to have that first drink I would be off to the races and I’d need more and more. Because my dad, brother and mum can sit on the one drink doesn’t effect me at all. I can quite easily say no to the first. I wish they understood this.
I can’t escape the temptations of getting pissed. Society almost expects you to drink. I could be having a shit day so I’d drink. Having a great day deserves a drink too. I can’t watch the TV without seeing a commercial for beer. I can’t watch the footy without feeling I should be enjoying a drink. Birthdays, Christmas, deaths, marriages, to relax after work, holidays, pretty much every party or get-together, It doesn’t end.
One of my greatest trigger is when I go to the pharmacy or order a pizza as these are right next to a bottle shop. As I waited for my my pizza or scripts I would always purchase a couple of beers. This was actually an excuse for me to leave the house. Since I went sober I have bought a pizza and I only make rare visits to the pharmacy.
I would always drink in my car, making sure I wasn’t over the legal limit to drive. There was the ocassion when I was over the limit but this was rare and it was only for very short trips. I was to paranoid of the cops to travel any further. Looking back on this makes me cringe. I have no time for drink drivers. I had a DUI about twenty years ago, which I made a blog on if you scroll down far enough. I have to be careful with driving while on medication too. Sometimes this is more of a risk than drinking.
I go to a lot of concerts. I used to drink during these. The last few I have gone sober and I have found I enjoy them more when sober and was able to leave remembering the show. For me this was difficult because I don’t handle crowds well. Alcohol took the edge of this and I didn’t freak out or I didn’t need to take medication to deal.
Another trigger is when I’m painting. The first couple of drinks helps with the creativity but the more I consumed, the more my art fell to shit. I produce my best work when I am sober.
I used to find it hard at family do’s. My uncles were all big drinkers and would get pissed at any gettogethers but they have gone sober. That’s my 3 uncles and I have a couple of cousins who struggled with the drink that have gone sober too. This all happened at the same time as I quit recently. It’s stange how it all happened at the same time.
Another trigger is when I take valium or other benzos. As soon as I got on a slight high I used to always drink. This was incredibly stupid as the two don’t mix. My body told me as I found it hard to keep a beer down but would always force myself to drink it down. Alcohol and benzodiazepines are the two drugs you can die from when mixed or withdrawing from. I risked this all the time and I’m lucky to have made it through in one piece.
When I watch my sobriety podcasts, which I spend a lot of time every day consuming, everybody is pretty much the same age as me. I’m 43 and this seems to be the age when people have had enough and go sober. You don’t see too many alcoholics that make it to their fifties as most people don’t succumb to the hideous disease of alcoholism.
Sometimes there was no trigger needed. I would just drink because I didn’t know any better. There was no reason to drink but that didn’t stop me.