I sometimes scare myself when it comes to my brain and the copious amount of pills, alcohol and other drugs I have swallowed over the years. I notice little oddities all the time; my short-term memory is shot and I regularly forget the simplest of things. I find it difficult to learn new skills, and I sometimes wonder whether I’m dyslexic or if something else is at play. We’ve all heard that alcohol kills brain cells, but I’m not entirely sure what to believe — I never feel noticeably dumber after a binge, although there’s no reliable way to measure it in the moment. I know alcohol ravages other parts of the body, so maybe they’re right in saying the grog has done irreversible damage. It doesn’t really matter now: I have quit drinking for good, so there’s little point in obsessing over what might already be done. I’ve been on so many different medications — I must have tried fifteen to twenty different SSRIs and various antipsychotics, along with benzodiazepines. A big night on benzos will almost certainly leave you with large gaps in memory, which can’t be good. I’m on a cocktail of meds, so it’s hard to tell which drug is responsible for which effect. Unfortunately I am stuck on some of these medications for life, so worrying won’t change that; it’s something I’ll just have to adjust to. I’ve deliberately avoided naming other drugs in this blog, because I shouldn’t need to go into that; suffice to say they were taken often and at strong dosages. I count myself lucky to have come through it all in one piece.