POEM ONE
An allegorical consumption bends my mind, leaves plenty of time to come up with a . Am I getting glimpses from the pink cloud? I rinse my hands to you. Obliged to run and hide, there no point in elevating a free ride. One hour at a time, it’s your call Dave, I only wish I could save. Instead wrongly we behave, Some poisonous liquid makes you tough and brave. Distinguished guests, a disgusting mess. All you have ever know is now stripped from you. It’s happened to me too. My head hurts, can’t even consume in small bursts. This is an all or nothing type of scenario, but what shall we do at tonight’s barbeque. Water is my best friend, my insides are on the mend. How did it come to this obvious state of affairs? This is stuff of nightmares, dancing into existence, keep up that persistence. Use your power of resistance and level this out by breaking your addiction. This is not fiction, just an ongoing pursuit to claim what is rightfully yours. Treat it like a chore. This is such a bore. Leave it in the store, don’t buy more. Your doing the best thing imaginable, tricky.. yeah, that’s inevitable. Misguided youth, this language is so uncouth. Lift me, heal me, this is a slow suicide that takes pride in destroying my decision making capabilities, screws with my insecurities. Help me, help myself to help myself. One thing at a time, your hopefully doing fine. Together we’ll make this climb. The studies are in… this folder is no longer thin. It takes everything from you and leaves you with no point of view and reference to elude, best off putting this out there incase someone is about to cave,, your better than this, you’re brave and no longer rave. On every occasion it is expectable, At least to the unpredictability the night it holds. The routine was a drag and becoming sad. Every morning, ten o’clock arrives and you can bet I’m there to celebrate the opening, roaming, with no objective, it’s all so subjective. Save that dollar and hold in that holler. The devil is laughing, you’re too busy barfing. Understand Dave, this was an awful lifestyle and habit, no more chasing rabbits. This makes for a good song but the philosophy is all wrong. I was going to end up in hospital, behind bars or six feet under. Nobody around to hear the thunder. We were such good friends until we weren't. My blunder. Hungover with one way to solve it, by drinking the poison that got you there in the first place. Why such a race? I’d drink and leave no trace. Sobriety can be ace if you don’t put that bottle to your face. I didn’t struggle with cravings, I know a lot do and I feel sorry for you. The doctor told me just one more drink and I could die. This made quitting so easy, i cannot lie. I call it divine intervention. A false sense of elevation and lack of attention. I should have been sanctioned to save myself. I unknowingly fell down that hole and it took somewhat of a scare to help me repair. I did out of despair. At first this didn’t seem fair. I’m to young to die, In the fetal position I cried. I made it through, me out of a chosen few. My resolve came true, zero point zero I blew. Make of this as you will. I personally find it good therapy. I am now happy. I know this sounds sappy.
POEM TWO
Creativity has destroyed me, masculinity fails to sooth me, Can’t get you out of my mind, you inspire me. It comes in the form of a tree, we share the same consciousness, so share some of my loneliness. Throw your money in the fountain, never been to the top of this mountain. Overwhelmingly mine, it shows I’ve got some spine. You bring me some wine, not worthy of putting it all on the line. I’ve come this far without a drink, my shrink watches me sink, in dark waters, the bottom unseen. My body is clean, please let me lean, on your pride and salvation, I put myself through this starvation. I’m reminded to take my medication, my doctor prescribes, no trepidation. don’t stress it’s just a conversation. My minor shakes have turned to convulsions, taking my steady hand is no longer. This comes with my other health problems, by myself I ponder? Can this relationship come with a manuscript, I’m confused and amused, my delusion's are no joke, almost make me choke. seamlessly broke, nothing left to smoke. I have kidney disease, I deal with this with ease. After all this was all brought on by quick-eze. My mind wonders in the breeze of mortality. Here’s a thought; Christianity or a self induced calamity. These pills have got on top of me. Left the hospital with eleven meds, to stop the paranoia and voices, damn they insist on what to swallow, what colourful pills, leave me with enticing medical bills. Learning some new skills, together we will walk the hills. All looks different from this height, never too late to ponder the night. Debilitating pain, it’s all formed in my brain. I sometimes think I’m slightly insane. Too old to play this game. Since this, nothing has been the same. What a shame! It burns a hole straight through the soul, removing reluctancy to reignite this smoldering coal. Another random act of kindness, oh lord, cure my blindness. I want clarity to see my discrepancies, tear down this wall of forgotten ancestries. The nonsense that goes through my head, so easily led and coloured in red. Midnight has just ticked over and we celebrate another day, let’s all prey for another way. My feelings are put at bay, No need for another x-ray. I’m in a constant fear of not getting my way. Holding hands, the ones that tremor, to appreciate the bond between us. No room for lust, this vape is a must. Saving coin eases the mind, I’m not rare enough to be one of a kind. It’s left me in a bind. Opposites attract, The masses react. Together we can topple this system. Put me on a mission. A deadly collision between hallucinations and reality. I’m burdened by naivety. Please come sit with me, I don’t bite but I have a tendency to latch on to people from whom I can demand a chaotic aftermath of the inevitable. I’m so unstable, I don’t even come with a label. Just trust me and put it all on the table. We need to move on. My ego has taken a beating. Such a cold night, no heating. Bills need paying, I’m just saying. This glue keeps us together, a lost feather, I’m really not that clever, this relationship we have to sever. Intoxicants aren’t for me, for a while it made me free but now I am left empty and angry. In desperate need of sleep. Writing words becomes tedious but I know no other way to alert you and say.. wake up! Please throw a coin in my cup, every penny counts, every person can recount the obligation of empathy. no matter how hollow and empty is my selfishness. Be kind to your fellow man. I wanna make it to the gates but I’m not sure if my scorecard will cause debate. I’m sorry God for rocking up so late. Am I still your mate? Society begs me to let go of my pride and strive, I survive off a pension, does this deserve a mention? So far no cravings from the evil, toxic, poison I was once in a friendship with. Nothing at all! I hate you so much, don’t bother to keep in touch. The connection has been broken, no free tokens.
POEM THREE
I take a big breath. Something in my head has snapped. Years of abuse have left me a recluse. Bringing out my narcissism, these are my words, no plagiarism. Overstimulation, mass production. Sociopath meets the golden path home, as long as I’m left alone, a broken coccyx bone. The fear of deep, murky waters overtakes me, I’m not the only one you see. Exhaling that big breath, so scared of those dark depths. A newbie to the scene, a place in my head I have never been. Pills work until they don’t, a larger dosage needed, before my feeding. My desire is unprepared and my ego needs much nursing, my brain, it’s bursting. I couldn’t walk more than a couple of steps, overdosed on calcium, the food I eat is mostly wholesome. Pharmaceutical companies have made a fortune from me, I agree, health insurance to the rescue, utilities payments overdue. I fake it and pretend it’s not true. My shrink, this third eye it blinks. I take my benzos like a champ, some anxiety mostly revamped. Dave, throw your coins into the fountain, climb this disease ridden mountain. My kidneys have been put through the test, there’s not much I can do but try my best. Bad news from the doctor, I must give in and faulter. But not today and not tomorrow. Dave, to you I give this book to borrow. To me you must follow. So powerful with your prescription pad, “Open your head” he boldly said. A pill can’t fix this infliction. This infection. Mental health leaves such a scar. Count your lucky stars you’re not behind bars. I have no time for overprescribing, join my little group of Guineapigs, totally abiding. Push the envelope, my communication skills need to develop. On my own I stray, away from your generous fray. “I wish I could help but your lengthy case is far too hard to erase.” says the shrink, Give my third eye the chance to blink. In these waters I don’t want to sink. Please rethink. What colour tablets today? I ask. Tired of putting on this sickly mask. Give me what’s mine, I have sworn off spirits, beer and wine. I’ll prove this to you over time. Got to fight this vape addiction, no time soon is my prediction. The pink cloud always sit’s there mocking me, you won’t beat me. I have willpower you see. Drinking alone is something I don’t miss, constantly on the piss, something for me to miss. Sobriety is my superpower, if I could I’d cry this louder. Dollars over art supplies, Watch as they multiply, get your priorities right, don’t give into this pretentious fight. They expect you to take flight into the sun, it’s so bright. Pick up that brush, make a movement, don’t rush, this painting makes me blush and promises my dreams to crush. Wrong diagnosis has crippled me, medication crippled me, psychoanalysis has crippled me, hospital admissions have crippled me; all of these have broken me down. Such a familiar sound. I just hope I can rebound. My ego is in the lost and found, in the wrong hands it is bound. The long car trip home, I love you all, but I wanna be alone. Readjust to the outside world. Understand the outside world. I’m not apart of the wondering sheep. I just crave some healthy sleep. So happy to have found you, someone I can’t see through. Schizophrenia does not always act in my favor. Take your time and choose a flavor. My illness is as sharp as a razor. Smarter then I and a lifesaver. Gravity falls around me, like sweet redemption, I succumb to temptation. My hands still shake, you still take, sandcastles I can make. I once cared of what you thought of me, now I don’t care, the sound of the snare, had me scared. For me death is mine alone, a pile of flesh and bones, this is only my vessel, now destroy that sandcastle. Distinguished, as a child I was a delinquent. The tide is going out, it shift like my creativity, masculinity, don’t play with my sensitivity. I’m fragile, don’t you see. Together we’ll plant a tree. I was born in nineteen eighty three. Like a misguided bee.