Here we are again, wasting everyone’s time with another one of my silly blogs. Just a quick warning… this is going to be a long post so grab yourself a coffee or beer and enjoy the show. My writing is very unstructured and I go off on tangents so please forgive me. Sorry I have to put you through this experience once more. Over the years I’ve assembled so many blog entries that they add up to thousands of pages and countless hours of late-night, caffeine-driven ramblings. I’m painfully self-conscious, and when I finally reach that crucial moment to press the publish button on my post the piece will usually be deleted within a day or two. The fate of these posts often mirrors how my artworks are treated: initially handled with plenty of respect, only to be painted over, set alight in metaphorical terms, or otherwise neglected. More often than not the very expensive canvases end up tossed in with the other rejects to gather dust and drive my old man crazy about the space they occupy. My studio, if it can even be called that, sits at my folks’ place, and I’m constantly upsetting them with the mess I leave behind. I prefer to think of it as organised chaos. Being a visual artist is a messy job. There’s no way around this. I am in a constate state of paranoia that I will get pain on something I shouldn’t and trust me, I do a good job of keeping the paint on the canvas but it’s inevitable to make the occasional, accidental stuff up. One only needs to look at my clothing and shoes to see what damage I can do. There only cloths. One day we will be dead and then what use will they be to us lol! I play the roll of a pessimist, with a twist of hope and I do my best not to hate the human race, but it’s hard!
In the past I have had a tendency to write too much on topics I shouldn’t be putting on the web. I forget that most people out there use this thing called the internet and, in some cases, it has come back to bite me. This blog will be a more measured, watered-down version of past posts and will revolve more around art than my many embarrassing, highly personal entries that I should probably keep to myself. My dayly activities outside of art is something else I won’t bore you with, Most of my past blogs have focused on my mental health and addictions, and I often enjoyed venting about things that upset me. Having said that, I do enjoy writing, and on days when there has been little progress on my art I tend to dig deep and end up writing about things that primarily interest me or a small fraction of my modest army of fans. In all reality I am writing to myself: this site doesn’t receive many visitors, and those who do stumble across it are most likely here to look at my art rather than read the ramblings of this clown.
I’m a high school dropout and never paid attention in my English classes (or any classes, for that matter). This is one of the subjects I wish I had invested a little more focus in and instead of skipping lessons, listening to Nirvana, smoking weed and chasing girls. I’ve always admired great writers, I’m even wearing my Hunter S. Thompson t-shirt as I write this, and I think highly of people who can wield the English language with skill. Maybe it’s because my own writing feels so rough that I look up to those who can type a sentence without leaning on spellcheck. The small amount I can write has been self-taught, like most things in my life. I learned almost nothing in school that felt applicable to the world outside of that institutional bubble. I resent the curriculum and its mechanisms for keeping people aligned with the philosophies of those in power. That’s a topic for another post, and I promised myself I wouldn’t dive too deep into the controversial side of things here. After all, it would challenge the carefully designed programming we receive from a very young age, programming that gets hammered in for much of our lives unless you choose to fight it. Enough said.
I want to quickly jot down some personal stuff so I don’t have to rewrite it later: I live with depression, anxiety and schizophrenia. I’ve consulted three psychiatry professors, been put on a cocktail of medications, hospitalised more than twenty times, and caused a great deal of pain for myself and my family. I’ve experimented with drugs over the years, and I’m a recovering (or recovered) alcoholic who attended rehab two and a half times. I was never one of these people who get out of control whilst intoxicated and I have never been in a physical fight. Looking back I was using substances to self medicate. The addiction side is now under control and I have no desire to return to that lifestyle. My two vises are energy drinks and vaping. I have had major difficulties kicking the vape. I carry a strong dislike for these substances, especially alcohol, which I have an absolute hatred towards. It has wrecked many good things in my life. I have so many stories I could tell and in the past have written about. There. It’s out there now and won’t need addressing again.
Like I said earlier, I still wonder if I’m the only person engaging with this blog. I can honestly say that none of my past posts have received a like, and nobody has left a comment so far. This isn’t like some of the major platforms where content creators constantly beg for likes and subscriptions. I don’t make any money from this site at all, so I’m not selling my soul or chasing ad revenue. That said, I do ask for a like if you enjoy my posts — it’s a simple, quiet way to show me there’s been some traffic or interest. If you are out there reading this, thank you for taking the time; I hope you have a genuinely pleasant day. Everyone else can go to hell — lol!
What are my interests, Dave? I’m always brewing something new. There is plenty out there to keep me on my feet and my curiosity ticking over. I don’t believe in the term “boredom” — how can that even exist when there is so much to explore? Most of my time is spent behind my laptop, and I’m a frequent flyer on YouTube; it runs in the background of my days and nights. I don’t work a conventional job — I simply can’t — so I can spend my hours doing the things in life I truly want to do. I am fortunate not to have a wife, kids, or a mortgage; I hold my freedom tight and value being my own boss in both work and life. I have an illness that prevents me from holding regular employment anyway. Art is my one true passion and I can immerse myself for days at a time to get better acquainted with it. Art is the one thing no one can ever truly perfect, and that is precisely what I love about it. You can be a newborn with crayons, happily drawing a cat, or someone hiking into the wilderness with oils and a huge canvas, working out frustrations and producing a painting that stuns everyone who sees it. What I’m trying to say is this: like anything, the more you do it the better you become; there is simply no finish line in the world of art. Outside of art, I’m a bibliophile — I love reading, collecting rare books, and keeping my thoughts in personal journals. I am a huge music fan, listening to a broad spectrum of sounds, but my musical expertise really begins in the early 1990s and runs through the early 2000s. Only a few groups from the seventies and eighties catch my attention, though I have a real love for the music of the sixties. Over the years I have developed a deep interest—bordering on obsession—about music. I won’t list every artist here because the list is vast and, honestly, who cares what little old me listens to anyway? I also enjoy reading and watching material about mind‑altering substances. I don’t use anything illegal these days, but hallucinogens and psychedelics have always fascinated me. I’m a Christian who was raised Catholic; today my faith is somewhat lukewarm, and this topic is personal and a little dull to discuss. Still, I have an interest in world religions and consider myself decidedly spiritual — I believe in the power of prayer and would place myself slightly above someone who calls themselves agnostic. JC is my man!
I have a younger brother and sister and three nephews whom I love to bits. As much as my affection goes out to my little buddies, I don’t want — and won’t have — my own children. This is something I’ve known for a long time. I find it hard enough to manage my own life, let alone be responsible for another human being. That responsibility would likely come with the package-deal of a partner or “wife,” and I’m not interested in that either. I’ve dated enough to know that a long-term relationship is off the cards for me. As I said earlier, I like being my own boss and already have almost all the freedom I need. I’m quite content with my lot in life and don’t want to needlessly jeopardize it. I also come back to the idea that it would be cruel to bring another life into a world that feels like an absolute mess. But that’s a topic for another blog.
Guys, I’m going to leave it there for now. I could keep writing for hours, but I’ve inflicted you enough with my words (thank you once again, spellcheck!). I hope you enjoy looking through some of my art. I have a few other websites outside of this one, so feel free to check them out as well. Honestly, thank you so much for making it to the bottom of this post. Have a lovely day and don’t forget to say hello!