Why do I bother? This page has never received any meaningful views, and when an entry is clicked it rarely lasts longer than a minute or so. I am basically writing for myself most of the time, but this is okay — I’m used to being overlooked, and like this blog it will likely be deleted shortly after I publish it. Because I’m essentially writing for myself I may even put a password on this page. I’m so self-conscious; I second-guess everything — my art, my writing, my choices. I do enjoy the process of creating these things, but I am almost never satisfied with the overall outcome. Even when the finished piece is reasonably satisfying, it soon feels dull and stale to me.
It’s important for my mental health to keep creating, but there are a few problems with doing this. I am quite prolific, yet this is partly because I sell my work for so little. I need to start putting bigger prices on my work and be more confident in its value. I always work on large-scale canvases and when they don’t sell the accumulation racks up and takes over most of the house and my finances… which is inconvenient. Lately I have been posting old canvases for free. It’s incredible how many messages you get through Marketplace when “free” is put in the title. I had too many messages so I picked some randoms. I gave away about a dozen paintings to one lady and sold two paintings to a repeat buyer. If it wasn’t for people like this the canvases would end up at the tip so I’d prefer to give them to a good home. Thank God I didn’t sign them! Due to my old man’s persistence I moved another few. The ones that never sold got torn apart to make fires from the frames; a spring clean had to be ruthless. Paintings left in the shed were rubbish and I would never paint over them. I had to be strict when sorting through all of my old works, but it felt strangely refreshing. All I have done in my shed is make room for newer canvases. It’s an ongoing work, a continual cycle of making, clearing, and making again.