I take a big breath. Something in my head has snapped. Years of abuse have left me a recluse. Bringing out my narcissism, these are my words, no plagiarism. Overstimulation, mass production. Sociopath meets the golden path home, as long as I’m left alone, a broken coccyx bone. The fear of deep, murky waters overtakes me, I’m not the only one you see. Exhaling that big breath, so scared of those dark depths. A newbie to the scene, a place in my head I have never been. Pills work until they don’t, a larger dosage needed, before my feeding. My desire is unprepared and my ego needs much nursing, my brain, it’s bursting. I couldn’t walk more than a couple of steps, overdosed on calcium, the food I eat is mostly wholesome. Pharmaceutical companies have made a fortune from me, I agree, health insurance to the rescue, utilities payments overdue. I fake it and pretend it’s not true. My shrink, this third eye it blinks. I take my benzos like a champ, some anxiety mostly revamped. Dave, throw your coins into the fountain, climb this disease ridden mountain. My kidneys have been put through the test, there’s not much I can do but try my best. Bad news from the doctor, I must give in and faulter. But not today and not tomorrow. Dave, to you I give this book to borrow. To me you must follow. So powerful with your prescription pad, “Open your head” he boldly said. A pill can’t fix this infliction. This infection. Mental health leaves such a scar. Count your lucky stars you’re not behind bars. I have no time for overprescribing, join my little group of Guineapigs, totally abiding. Push the envelope, my communication skills need to develop. On my own I stray, away from your generous fray. “I wish I could help but your lengthy case is far too hard to erase.” says the shrink, Give my third eye the chance to blink. In these waters I don’t want to sink. Please rethink. What colour tablets today? I ask. Tired of putting on this sickly mask. Give me what’s mine, I have sworn off spirits, beer and wine. I’ll prove this to you over time. Got to fight this vape addiction, no time soon is my prediction. The pink cloud always sit’s there mocking me, you won’t beat me. I have willpower you see. Drinking alone is something I don’t miss, constantly on the piss, something for me to miss. Sobriety is my superpower, if I could I’d cry this louder. Dollars over art supplies, Watch as they multiply, get your priorities right, don’t give into this pretentious fight. They expect you to take flight into the sun, it’s so bright. Pick up that brush, make a movement, don’t rush, this painting makes me blush and promises my dreams to crush. Wrong diagnosis has crippled me, medication crippled me, psychoanalysis has crippled me, hospital admissions have crippled me; all of these have broken me down. Such a familiar sound. I just hope I can rebound. My ego is in the lost and found, in the wrong hands it is bound. The long car trip home, I love you all, but I wanna be alone. Readjust to the outside world. Understand the outside world. I’m not apart of the wondering sheep. I just crave some healthy sleep. So happy to have found you, someone I can’t see through. Schizophrenia does not always act in my favor. Take your time and choose a flavor. My illness is as sharp as a razor. Smarter then I and a lifesaver. Gravity falls around me, like sweet redemption, I succumb to temptation. My hands still shake, you still take, sandcastles I can make. I once cared of what you thought of me, now I don’t care, the sound of the snare, had me scared. For me death is mine alone, a pile of flesh and bones, this is only my vessel, now destroy that sandcastle. Distinguished, as a child I was a delinquent. The tide is going out, it shift like my creativity, masculinity, don’t play with my sensitivity. I’m fragile, don’t you see. Together we’ll plant a tree. I was born in nineteen eighty three. Like a misguided bee.