First of all, thank you, Tim and Janette, for the purchase yesterday. A photo of the painting on their wall looked great, although one was accidentally hung upside down — which made me laugh. For the first time in a while I felt genuinely pleased with the works they took off my hands. I can be hard on myself when it comes to selling my pieces, but these two felt like some of my better work. Any sale is good, but it’s especially rewarding when both parties walk away satisfied.
I have been channeling my insomnia into productive work, using those restless hours to create a series of seven canvases during the strange quiet of the night. At this stage I have laid down the first layer, which is by far the most time-consuming part of the process, but I can do it indoors with Sharpies and not worry about making a mess. So I have been working around the clock, mostly in the very early hours of the morning, and I’m pleased with the progress on the seven large canvases… so far! The difficult part is now the actual painting, which I plan to begin as soon as the sun rises tomorrow morning. I’m looking forward to it, though as always there’s a familiar thread of anxiety woven through the excitement. I feel this every time I embark on a new project, or face any change in life, thanks to my perpetually tangled, mentally screwed head. A level of mental health can either be a solution or a hindrance. It’s the slow buildup to almost anything that can really undo me. This relentless beast cannot be tamed. This is a large endeavor I have willingly undertaken, but it keeps my mind occupied and it’s always fascinating to observe the results. Art is definitely an outlet for people who struggle with their mental health. I’m not referring to the art therapy sessions that helped pull me through in hospital, but to the practice that doesn’t rely on glitter, novelty extras or student-grade materials. I mean doing it properly, with care and intention. Not everyone can afford the sums I pour into my practice, so many people don’t even bother. One thing I have invested in recently is a big stack of white spray paints that I’ve used to cover more than a dozen canvases — a surprisingly cost-effective solution. I don’t know why I didn’t try this sooner. I’m still discovering how well the acrylic behaves over those tins of spray paint. There shouldn’t be any major issues, but it’s new territory and has to be tested from time to time. Don’t ask me what I’ll do with semi-finished pieces if the acrylic won’t adhere; that’s a problem I’ll deal with as it comes. I’ll take photos before I pull out the paints tomorrow and do a before-and-after sequence, at least to document the many hours of drawing I’ve poured in. I’m not sure if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew — this is going to be a big job — but hopefully it will be both enjoyable and successful. Too much time and money goes into my art to allow for careless mistakes. I can’t work in halves; for me it’s all or nothing, and that applies to most things in life, often more than I’d like.