What do I have left? I keep losing my best friends. One by one they have been taken from me. I’m talking about the things that used to make me happy. The reality is, I don’t have any friends outside of my family anymore. This blog isn’t about people; it’s a catalogue of commodities I developed over the years. With an absolute, obsessive passion I loved these poisonous things.
First came the drugs — the weed, the pills, the tabs and wafers, the mushrooms and the acid. I won’t go into detail here; I don’t want to single myself out, and this was a long time ago — except for the weed, with which I had a close, complicated relationship until it began to harm my mental health. This is a tale that many who have smoked can relate to: it made me intensely paranoid. I struggled with that paranoia for years and years, until finally I realised I no longer enjoyed smoking. Why it took me so long to break the habit and remove it from my life remains something of a mystery. So that was one friend I lost — and I don’t miss that relationship one bit.
Then came the cigarettes, which I am embarrassed to admit I smoked for a very long time. I had been smoking from my early teens until just three or four years ago. It was another messy problem I had to confront. The transition away from them wasn’t terribly difficult because I had support. This is a relationship I still have, and we argue all the time. Vapes! I did manage to stop smoking cigarettes, but I am now a full-time vaper. Vaping is undoubtedly the lesser of two evils, yet it makes no difference—I’m still under its hold, and it is an addiction that is bloody hard to fight. I’d go so far as to say the vapes are even more difficult to give up than the cigarettes. True story!
This next one was the hardest to kick. Man, did we have a relationship — it came in liquid form and it took years to untangle myself from its hold. I don’t want to go too deep into this one because we have broken up so many times and there are simply too many stories I could tell; it was more of a marriage than a friendship, a toxic union that lasted far too long. Alcohol almost destroyed me, but I am now clean and sober, and I can say without hesitation that this is another bitch I will never reunite with. Not only is there too much to put into a blog, this battle is my own private business that I don’t care to share in detail. Even the mere thought of drinking again makes me feel ill. I know I have told others in the past that I had quit for good, but this time I’m not saying that with hesitation — we’re over. I can honestly say this has been the hardest addiction to face yet also the one I’m managing with the clearest resolve. It has been three months now since my last drink, so I realise I have a long trip ahead and the journey has only just started, but this is a fight I will win — no doubts whatsoever and no pink clouds. I don’t miss you, and I have developed an absolute, unwavering hatred for you.
The next buddy I have severed ties with is energy drinks. It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet but I have divorced you too. I’ll miss our relationship but the coffee and coke addictions will help me through this one. There will be no issues here. It won’t be a hard one but I will still miss you all the same. This is just another friend I have invested too much of my time and money into.. not to mention my physical health that I’m sure it was screwing with.
The last addiction is the vapes. I’ve already touched on this, so all I will say is that this will be another hard one to quit. This evil habit never leaves my hand. I don’t get any real satisfaction from them; all they do is relieve my nicotine cravings and nothing else — they only make me feel worse and drain my money. I would usually buy several at a time, and it got to the point where half of them didn’t even work. No refunds, just a steady loss of cash. Today is my third attempt at quitting, and I believe I have it this time. They are incredibly addictive, but I’m done being controlled by things I don’t want in my life.
I quit pot, I quit cigarettes, I quit alcohol, energy drinks and now the vape. I’m becoming pretty straight edge, which feels satisfying and steady. I’m not making any promises, but I’m not sure what it would take to make me relapse into any of these vices. A bit of willpower goes a long way, and small daily choices add up.