I am well acquainted with diazepam and Seroquel. These were among the medications that began this difficult journey of medication changes, with their many ups and downs and unwanted side effects. Before I go further I must stress that alcohol and benzodiazepines are the two substances that can cause seizures and even death when withdrawing. I feel extremely lucky when I look back on the times I abused these drugs—often not as prescribed and frequently together. Yes, I was the one who put them down my throat, but it would have been reassuring if one of my many psychiatrists had warned me more clearly about these dangers. Also, mixing them can wipe your memory OUT—similar to an alcoholic blackout but in some ways even worse. I’m sober from alcohol now and have no intention of going back; I feel only hatred for it. I’m content with my sobriety. Yet I still take diazepam and Seroquel, and in large doses. Last night was something I hadn’t experienced before: I took a big dose of Seroquel with Valium on top of it and now have holes in my memory about what happened. My recollection isn’t what it could be, and this morning I woke up questioning what went on and what I might have said. My greatest fear was that my parents would assume I’d been drinking. After a nap, my dad asked me if it was 8 a.m. or 8 p.m.; I quickly said evening and was right. Their question was a small test to see if I was alert. It turned out to be the dangerous combination of Valium and Seroquel. Lesson learned, Dave. Professor Burrows once put me on 2,400 mg—ridiculously high—so I was taking 800 mg three times a day. I now take half of that, but it’s still a hefty dose compared with most people, who take around 300 mg. Ahhh… I am a pharmaceutical guinea pig.